eightpurpleelephants


The greatest gift.
August 5, 2012, 1:51 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,
This was my response to a post on Facebook regarding Step-moms.  She is a birth mother dealing with her ex getting married.  She posted something alluding to step-moms being like the step-mothers in Cinderella.  I was personally offended and I couldn’t just let this go without standing up for myself and my role as a step-mother.  Then, I realized I wrote a book on her wall so I thought I would turn it into a blog post.  
 
Sara Newberry As a step-mom, I literally work MY ASS off to make sure that she is as loved in her daddys home just as she is in her mommys home. There are tons of things I have learned through this experience and if you’ve ever read my blog, I post about the magical experiences along with the frustrations I have as a step-mother. (it’s true, there are frustrations I have experienced involving baby momma because izzy is a major part of MY FAMILY, which his ex has been in my face saying she is ‘NOT MY DAUGHTER’ She’s not but she is my STEP-DAUGHTER and I would lay my life on the line to protect that little girl). It is truly a gift to be a step-mom and I feel extremely lucky everyday to be able to experience that little girl in my life. Someone once told me: You don’t have to birth a child to be a good parent. Which makes me ask another question… what makes a good parent? In my humble opinion, a good parent is someone who cultivates and facilitates a positive, loving environment where a child learns social rules, structure, and how to appreciate and be grateful for the world around him or her. I also believe a child needs a mommy figure and a daddy figure. Another thing I have learned is that many times (god love them) men are not maternal. They don’t always know how to steer a child, that is our job as women. Men have their own roles in parenting we may not be able to facilitate. Another thing someone has told me: Behind every great man is a great woman. Either way, i believe it is important for a child to have the CHOICE to love, learn, and listen to their parents. Which involves COMMUNICATION between parents. I know in some situations that is next to impossible due to conflict but for the sake of the innocent children, GET OVER IT. You have to talk. I know it’s hard to hear but it’s TRUE. The real question is where is your motive? Is the motive to help her cultivate a pure relationship with her father absent of any of your previous beef with this particular adult? I know you have your daughters best interest in mind but children are sooooo much smarter and tapped in than we give them credit for. They learn so quick what is right and wrong it blows my mind on a daily basis. The best advice we have ever received from someone who now has an adult child. Let the child make her own choices and never say anything even somewhat towards leaning on the negative side. Remember: the child is a literally a part of both of you. She looks up to both of you. There will never be anything to replace her mommy and daddy (and as a step-mom, I know and respect that. Micheals ex knows I respect that as well because her and I talk) I never want to crush her dreams even if it is only being head-over-heels in love with her parents, even though Micheals Ex wears her crazy pants more often than I would prefer. One more thing and I then I will leave my step-parent soap box…. a little girls father is the first man she will fall in love with. She will forever look for qualities that mirror her father in the men she chooses as suitors later in her life. Instead of going to odds with her father, work with him and empower him to be the man she needs in her life. I really hope this does not offend you. That is the furtherest from my intention in this long-ass post. I just hope to show you the other side to see the potential for your beautiful daughter. If you’re ever interested in an open, healthy communication, I would love to continue the conversation. I have actually worked with a lot of step-parent situations to remember to do what is best for the child. I have a such a soft spot in my heart for children, and that is really the team that I am rooting for. Until then, Much Love!
 
 
 
What are your thoughts? 


I’m coming out…
July 3, 2012, 2:39 pm
Filed under: Cooking, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , ,

I’m coming out of the last few days of a cleanse.  It was a mostly easy cleanse but effective.  I had a list of foods to avoid and a list of foods to eat. I gradually increased from 1 shake (full of protein & other fun stuff) to 2 shakes a day and prepared healthy meals and snacks in between.  I felt satisfied and sustaining and only rarely hungry.  The purpose of doing the detox was to start over, to get my body feeling clean again.  As I am slowing adding food back into my diet, the effects have been astonishing.  The foods to eat included: chicken, turkey, lamb, and fish.  I could eat as many veggies and fruit and nuts as I wanted.  The foods to avoid included: beef, pork, gluten (wheat), dairy, & soy. I think I had the most issue with dairy (as I love cheese) and soy (which is in everything) but I think I did pretty darn good! Admittedly, I did cheat once or twice and I could see a difference.  After three weeks, I could feel myself beginning to get angry at fish.  I knew it was time to start incorporating other foods back into my diet.  The first night, my boyfriend and myself wanted pasta.  We’ve gone so long without it, that’s what we wanted.  So I made spaghetti and macaroni and cheese (if you’re going to do something, you may as well do it all the way, right?) Phew! I got the reaction I was looking for.  The next day I felt overall, terrible! I was emotional. I couldn’t breathe.  I felt groggy.  I felt like I was having an allergy attack.  OH! I was.  So I have decided that I have a gluten intolerance.  I’ve been tested before for Celiac’s Disease and know that I don’t have that. I’ve been pretty much gluten free for almost 2 months now and anytime there is a little gluten, I can tell!  After a few weeks, I started craving potatoes! I’ve heard that many times people with a gluten intolerance, do not do well with potatoes either.  I seem to be ok with them so I eat them.  After a few weeks, I was craving a lot of the usual food I used to eat (pizza, pasta etc) I went back to my chiropractor and told him of my experience.  He explained to me that the body can crave the food you should not have because of adrenaline.  When the body has food that it is intolerant of, it creates a rush of adrenaline (heart burn, diarrhea, headache, whatever) and that is what the body is actually craving–the adrenaline rush.  I thought that was very interesting and made a lot of sense.  So I guess instead of eating the pizza, we should just go sky diving to suffice our bodies. Hehe just kidding! The challenges I’ve come to face are social situations where I’m not sure what is in the dish or just having yummy stuff all around.  More and more, my friends are either going gluten free or are sensitive of my gluten-free life.  I think that it will get easier over time to say no and to feel good about it.  I’ve taken an active interest in cooking healthy, yummy meals for my family and feel pretty dang good overall. I’m not saying you should be gluten-free but I am saying you should find out what works for you and what your body needs. Until next time, Spread some JOY!



Movement & Music
April 27, 2012, 4:06 pm
Filed under: Dancing, Love & Relating, Spirituality | Tags: , , , ,

Creative Expression.  What does it mean to you?

My entire life I have been a dancer.  Moving in some form.  Which is interesting to me when I look back in my childhood I felt lazy (which is entirely different blog).  You can ask my best friend who has known me since I was a child, I was always moving.  In my living room, in my bedroom, in the shower… it  didn’t matter.  There was always a beat to dance to whatever noise was going on even if it was only me humming a tune.

Now that I’m a big, bad adult, creative expression has come and gone sometimes moment to moment and sometimes days to weeks.  I don’t envy those who rely on their creativity to make a living like a tattoo artist or something.  As a massage therapist, there are many creative aspects to my business and I most definitely delve into creative expression on a regular basis.

Today I woke up feeling inspired to tickle that area of my brain.  The best idea I’ve had all day was turn on music.  I know it’s silly but I sometimes forget that MUSIC is such a great way to tap in to the stream of creative energy.  Now I’m moving and feeling connected to others who feel inspired.

I remember the days when I had hours of “free time” to get lost in movement and music.  There is no feeling like it.  To put your feelings in a movement… is the deepest form of communication to another human.  A intentional glance with your eyes and flick of your hip along with tracing the floor with your toe.. says something very specific.

After dancing, my blood is moving and I’m breathing different.  I feel wrung out and a loving, tight squeeze from the Universe.  I feel alive!

GO! Move! Dance your little heart out!



Spring Inspiration
April 5, 2012, 5:20 am
Filed under: Gardening, Massage Therapy, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

What a beautiful evening!

As I sit in my living room feeling inspired, I can hear the big drops of water fall from the balcony upstairs onto my porch.  I feel the cool, rainy breeze blow in from the back door.  Earlier, I brought more plants outside to soak up the spring-time rain.  I love looking out my back door and see the wonderful potential my garden has.  I love seeing the herbs in pots reaching up towards the sun! I can hear my beautiful partner stirring in bed as he gently drifts off to sleep.  And now, I’m finding myself reflecting on how beautiful my life is.  Looking back through all we have been through and looking forward to all of future events.   Wow, there is nothing like a refreshing spring-time storm to leave a gal feeling grateful!

I have my hands in a few projects and it feels good to help others feel good! I love creating! I’m thinking about writing my first article regarding Ashiatsu Oriental Bar Therapy (R) and why it is so awesome.  Why is ashi such an awesome massage? The constant and consistent pressure allows for a release in the muscles and tissue that is deeper than the surface yet above the pain threshold.  I wonder if there have been any studies done about healing soft tissue injuries with massage and how connecting with a particular layer of tissue could bring about relief and balance.  I also ask myself, “Why does everyone (ok, almost everyone), love massage? I know I do; but why? I love the feeling when I first lay my hands or feet on a client.  You can literally feel their whole body take a big, deep breath. That is connection. That is the earthly bond between us as spiritual beings!

My newest passion is to inspire other therapists and holistic healers to spread the word to anyone and everyone! There is more than enough work for everyone and the more we spread the word of whole-body-health, the more people will start to realize it is real and not just some fad.  This goes beyond massage! How can we expect to thrive when we are eating dead food? How can we expect good things in our lives when we have un-positive thoughts? This is the year of change and I welcome it with open arms! Working together–everyone benefits.

Namaste!

In Gratitude,

Sara Ann :)

Image



Stand Strong.
February 21, 2012, 5:11 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Don’t let any place that you are standing frighten you. All it is, is a byproduct of some Energy alignment, which only gives you stronger clarity about what you want — and, most importantly, greater sensitivity about whether you’re in a receiving mode or locked off of it.

— Abraham

 What does this mean? 
 
It reminds me of the Carl Jung quote that explains how the attributes that drive us crazy in others are simply mirrors of our own life.  I think about the situations, the arguments, and the awkward situations I’ve experienced in my life and choose to take responsibility for each one.  If we believe that we create our experience to further improve our life in some way or another, wouldn’t it make sense that we would attract the experiences to challenge us to grow into a better, whole person? 
 
I think about the the relationships I’ve had and the ones I’ve been forced into that felt hard to handle and frustrating and I have decided there was a reason I needed to have that experience.  Either to help me see another point of view or to challenge my personal growth.
 
Such a slight change in perception of the world can bring more beautiful positive experiences into our lives.  How often have you slightly changed your perception and the whole experience has changed? Even if it’s as small as smiling at people in the grocery store instead of just barreling through to get it over with? 
 
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl JungImage


2011 Years-End
February 8, 2012, 7:02 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I realize I’m slightly behind but in my defense, I’ve had it wrote for sometime, I just haven’t published it. :) 

I am being perfectly honest when I say “Thank goodness 2012 is here! If you would have asked me 6 years ago, I would have feared this year.  After 2007 and 2011, I feel a lot more confident about handling anything life decides to throw my way.  

During the educational year of 2011, I have begun new projects, left old places, and experienced what I would have believed “only happened to other people.”

I left my dream job.  I had a wonderful stable job with a good pay rate and interesting substance.  I left on my own accord and because I felt what was happening was wrong and indecent.  I was paid to spend someone else’s money in a field that I loved.  I worked in a massage school bookstore.  I chose what to sell and had employees that I managed.  I left because the owner was dishonest and shady.  He made me sick to think about how he was upholding an image of peace, healing, and enlightenment; when as you spent time with him you realized he was a scared, paranoid, selfish, chauvinistic, asshole.  I left when he decided to fire almost everyone and promote someone who knew how to kiss ass. The moment they promoted her without offering to position to anyone else, I knew the position was rigged.  The story came out later that was the plan the whole time.  It amazes me and blows my mind the lengths people will go to to get ahead.  I watched as she pretended to love and care for her co-workers when the whole time she was plotting her cut-throat moves.  One of the most important lessons I have learned this year… do NOT make your job, your life because I was surprised how much I didn’t think about that place after I left it. 

I went back to massage therapy full-time.  I was reminded of why I LOVE this work! I feel incredibly blessed that another human would allow me into such a sacred space to encourage their unwinding and relaxing.  I have learned so much about the body, about myself, and about business.  I have been able to look back and say, “If only I knew back then what I know now (in regards to operating my practice).”  I have learned I should have just went into my own practice years ago instead of fearing the unknown and relying on someone else. Massage therapy is a hard business but equally rewarding. 

I went to school for Ashiatsu Oriental Bar Therapy.  I will be one of four (I think) in my city to do this type of work.  I find it to be challenging and SO FUN!! Ashi is a really great, relaxing massage.  Now, to grow my clientele who love Ashi as much as I do… 

I moved in with my boyfriend for the first time.  I think in my unconscious mind, I have always known this is how it would have happened.  The moment I met Micheal, I knew we would share many experiences involving much joy and much sadness (and boy, have we already!).   From very early on we craved each others company and chose to spend every moment together.  I’m sure many people thought we were crazy to move in so quickly with each other. We believed in US even when most everyone who cared about us questioned our ideas. As it has panned out, those people who truly questioned us have turned out to be as flimsy in their personalities as their lack of seeing true love staring them in the face. Sure, we have had our kinks to work out and fights to get there.  Some big and some small, like eating the leftovers in the fridge or who should pay which bill. But I think we have come to the conclusion that if you’re not jumping off that mountain together, holding hands, are you really living life to the fullest? Teehee I’m sure some could still argue that we could have waited to move in together but honestly, if I had to do it all over again, I believe I would still have made the same choices.  

I became a step-mom.  OK, you’re right, not legally.  But geez, if we can recognize that a same-sex couple function just like married people without the papers, isn’t this really the same thing, too? I do a damn good job filling the role of a step-mother, if I do say so myself.  MIcheal reminds me on a daily basis that I do not have to do all that I do.  I choose my level of involvement (well, almost) and I love that little girl.  This relationship and role has been a long, uphill battle but for most of the time, it is pretty enjoyable.  I have always wanted to adopt and this has given me a glimpse into what it is like to care for another child besides your own.  I understand that it is not the same but this year has brought me to a lot of questions I may not have asked.  She is a bright and magical child, and I can’t wait for the day that I don’t have an ex-wife to deal with.  And I do believe it takes one amazing, stand-up woman to accept the role of a dedicated step-mom.

Which brings me to the next big thing.  The Ex-Wife. (dun dun duuuun). We have the same name. joy. I used to always say, when I was a kid, that I wanted to change my name when I was an adult. After this past year, I’ve never wanted to do it more and I even looked up the process and had plans to change my name.  When my mom cried about it and said, “she wouldn’t have anything connecting me to her” (I reminded her of the 9 months I spent inside her belly, but I guess that doesn’t count anymore), I decided I couldn’t do that to my mom.  I’m not ruling it out for the future though, the way in the future future. 

SO- I have always known Micheal was married.  The night we met, I knew all about it.  I did my best to take a neutral, mature stance on it.  Hey, my dad was married before he married my mom, I have always known about the potential of dealing with that in my own life.  This is one of those, “only happens to other people” things.  I knew the potential was there but was it only until waaay later that I realized (after a lot of curse words), “WHY did it have to happen to me??”  I still currently ask myself, “Why this is such a hard concept to swallow?”  I’m sure she has her own totally different story.  The child is a big part of it in ways that I’m not sure I can explain in English.  I don’t believe the English language has the appropriate words to express the natural tug-of-war that goes on between 2 women that care for 1 child..especially 2 women who are emotionally invested in finding empowerment in the given situation they are, for lack of a better word, stuck in.  I also understand that she has been emotionally hurt, whether she realizes it or not.  Unfortunately, I believe she allows that to affect her daughters life.  Not in big ways but in ways that her daughter will understand when she’s older.  I just wish she would just get over herself, it would make everyones life a little easier, including her own.  In short, I really wish the situation didn’t exist. 

Dave.  OHHHH Micheals father.  I’ve never wanted to shake someone so hard until their eyeballs fall out..until I met him.  Except it really started even before we met.  I truly believe that Dave believes his son should have stayed married even if he was unhappy. Instead of communicating about it like the rest of the human race, he has decided to take it out on me. I haven’t figured out why he wouldn’t want his son to be happy, but that is his shit to process.  I’m sure if he read this, he would find a whole new set of things to hate me for when really, this is only my observation and my opinion.  I believe reacting to situations emotionally, is a scared person incapable of admiting fear.  To me, it sounds like a dangerous fuel to play with potential of major “burn.” (HA I laugh at my own little joke I just made).  We are muddling through the weird, awkward moments and I really…really…really, really hope 2012 will be much better! 

I have learned that I am really hard on myself.  I am my own worst critic. I do believe that I am making huge strides to take responsibility to follow my heart and be accountable for my actions.  I have also learned that I crave mystery and not drama, and there is a huge difference.  I ponder the world and truly hope the best for all people.  I am proud to say I have refused to compromise my integrity and 

2012 holds many new stories already.  I can guarantee you will read about my new business adventure and my continued goal to grasp and invite frugality, prosperity, and sustainability into my life.

NAMASTE! 



Something to be thankful for.
November 23, 2011, 4:43 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

I’m struggling to find it.  I know I have a lot to be thankful for.  Family stuff is getting to be a little much this year.  My parents are planning to come to my house as I cook them Thanksgiving dinner. Micheal’s family is meeting later that evening.  I don’t want to rush my family out the door. I know my mother will be more concerned about me getting to his family.  I think sometimes she forgets she is a person with feelings, too.  I don’t know what I should do.   Micheal wants me to relax and not worry.  With all of the experiences from this year, how can I not worry? He says that it takes less energy to worry about it.  I agree, but I concern myself with the bigger picture. It’s hard for me to just go on through life and pretend like I’m not deeply hurt by the actions of the past. 

I just miss my childhood, big-family gatherings.  I wish I could experience that with my own family (Micheal & Isabelle).  My childhood family is now too large to gather more than once a year it seems. Micheals family makes me feel weird and awkward.  All I could have ever wished for was a family that welcomed me with open arms. ugh. i feel like crying. 

 




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.