eightpurpleelephants


The greatest gift.
August 5, 2012, 1:51 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,
This was my response to a post on Facebook regarding Step-moms.  She is a birth mother dealing with her ex getting married.  She posted something alluding to step-moms being like the step-mothers in Cinderella.  I was personally offended and I couldn’t just let this go without standing up for myself and my role as a step-mother.  Then, I realized I wrote a book on her wall so I thought I would turn it into a blog post.  
 
Sara Newberry As a step-mom, I literally work MY ASS off to make sure that she is as loved in her daddys home just as she is in her mommys home. There are tons of things I have learned through this experience and if you’ve ever read my blog, I post about the magical experiences along with the frustrations I have as a step-mother. (it’s true, there are frustrations I have experienced involving baby momma because izzy is a major part of MY FAMILY, which his ex has been in my face saying she is ‘NOT MY DAUGHTER’ She’s not but she is my STEP-DAUGHTER and I would lay my life on the line to protect that little girl). It is truly a gift to be a step-mom and I feel extremely lucky everyday to be able to experience that little girl in my life. Someone once told me: You don’t have to birth a child to be a good parent. Which makes me ask another question… what makes a good parent? In my humble opinion, a good parent is someone who cultivates and facilitates a positive, loving environment where a child learns social rules, structure, and how to appreciate and be grateful for the world around him or her. I also believe a child needs a mommy figure and a daddy figure. Another thing I have learned is that many times (god love them) men are not maternal. They don’t always know how to steer a child, that is our job as women. Men have their own roles in parenting we may not be able to facilitate. Another thing someone has told me: Behind every great man is a great woman. Either way, i believe it is important for a child to have the CHOICE to love, learn, and listen to their parents. Which involves COMMUNICATION between parents. I know in some situations that is next to impossible due to conflict but for the sake of the innocent children, GET OVER IT. You have to talk. I know it’s hard to hear but it’s TRUE. The real question is where is your motive? Is the motive to help her cultivate a pure relationship with her father absent of any of your previous beef with this particular adult? I know you have your daughters best interest in mind but children are sooooo much smarter and tapped in than we give them credit for. They learn so quick what is right and wrong it blows my mind on a daily basis. The best advice we have ever received from someone who now has an adult child. Let the child make her own choices and never say anything even somewhat towards leaning on the negative side. Remember: the child is a literally a part of both of you. She looks up to both of you. There will never be anything to replace her mommy and daddy (and as a step-mom, I know and respect that. Micheals ex knows I respect that as well because her and I talk) I never want to crush her dreams even if it is only being head-over-heels in love with her parents, even though Micheals Ex wears her crazy pants more often than I would prefer. One more thing and I then I will leave my step-parent soap box…. a little girls father is the first man she will fall in love with. She will forever look for qualities that mirror her father in the men she chooses as suitors later in her life. Instead of going to odds with her father, work with him and empower him to be the man she needs in her life. I really hope this does not offend you. That is the furtherest from my intention in this long-ass post. I just hope to show you the other side to see the potential for your beautiful daughter. If you’re ever interested in an open, healthy communication, I would love to continue the conversation. I have actually worked with a lot of step-parent situations to remember to do what is best for the child. I have a such a soft spot in my heart for children, and that is really the team that I am rooting for. Until then, Much Love!
 
 
 
What are your thoughts? 
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