eightpurpleelephants


Movement & Music
April 27, 2012, 4:06 pm
Filed under: Dancing, Love & Relating, Spirituality | Tags: , , , ,

Creative Expression.  What does it mean to you?

My entire life I have been a dancer.  Moving in some form.  Which is interesting to me when I look back in my childhood I felt lazy (which is entirely different blog).  You can ask my best friend who has known me since I was a child, I was always moving.  In my living room, in my bedroom, in the shower… it  didn’t matter.  There was always a beat to dance to whatever noise was going on even if it was only me humming a tune.

Now that I’m a big, bad adult, creative expression has come and gone sometimes moment to moment and sometimes days to weeks.  I don’t envy those who rely on their creativity to make a living like a tattoo artist or something.  As a massage therapist, there are many creative aspects to my business and I most definitely delve into creative expression on a regular basis.

Today I woke up feeling inspired to tickle that area of my brain.  The best idea I’ve had all day was turn on music.  I know it’s silly but I sometimes forget that MUSIC is such a great way to tap in to the stream of creative energy.  Now I’m moving and feeling connected to others who feel inspired.

I remember the days when I had hours of “free time” to get lost in movement and music.  There is no feeling like it.  To put your feelings in a movement… is the deepest form of communication to another human.  A intentional glance with your eyes and flick of your hip along with tracing the floor with your toe.. says something very specific.

After dancing, my blood is moving and I’m breathing different.  I feel wrung out and a loving, tight squeeze from the Universe.  I feel alive!

GO! Move! Dance your little heart out!

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Change.
October 26, 2011, 4:43 am
Filed under: Camping, Hiking, Love & Relating, Massage Therapy, Outdoors, Spirituality, Uncategorized

No one can deny this year has not only brought about change but in fact a tidal wave of change that has really shook things up to say the least. I have learned a lot. I have grown.  I have groaned.  I have laughed.  I have cried. I have loved.

Many people talk about how change effects them.  I forget which sign thrives in change.  I’d like to think I roll with change well. I have learned some very valuable tools about myself and I believe that awareness is the first step to freedom.

In June, Micheal and I went camping.  It was an amazing trip! He had told me about the trip up the mountain and how tiring it could be but as the days went on it became easier.  We parked the car, walked up the lane, checked in and paid our money, crossed a river and immediately started up the mountain.  I thought we would be at the main base for a bit before heading upwards.  Half way up the mountain I stopped in a pant.  I realized something huge about my life.  I find it important to mentally prepare myself before a vast change in my environment occurs.  Ok, duh, right? I know it’s small but, yet, so huge.  The was the first moment that I realized if only I would have been able to say to myself, “Ok, now you are going to be exerting a lot of energy to get up this mountain.” I believe that first walk up would have been totally different.  Since then, I have found many examples of how if only that slight switch in thought would totally change a situation.  The question then arises, how can you handle moments that have no moment to switch your thought? How can I challenge my brain to be flexible in any given situation? I choose to see the face of change as comforting instead of scary.

I went to school for a new modality.  I will now be using my feet to massage clients instead of my hands.  The technique is called Ashiatsu.  I have found that some people have some real reservations about someone putting their feet all over them. I find myself feeling anxious about telling a client about it or introducing it.  I had a very hard time getting the bars installed in the ceiling to the point where I began to think it was going to be impossible to actually practice this modality.  I had these thoughts creep in my head that I wasted all of the money on school and my career was over because my hands were going to give out on me before I could figure something out.  All the while dealing with the usual pressure and stress of my life.. money, the ex-wife, the future father-in-law, bills, family.. etc etc. ugh. How much more convenient it would be if I could just roll with change? That could be one less thing I would have to worry about.

The future of Ashi is looking a lot brighter which is making the rest of the world shape up but for a moment, I felt very bleek.

Change. I’m not talking about those dirty coins at the bottom of your purse.

I see change happening all over the world.  You would truly have to live under a rock not to see that something huge is happening all around us.  There is a major shift occurring and we are all being forced to ride the wave and challenge our humanity.  Personally, I would like us all to view this as a challenge the Universe has provided to test our trust in each other. Seeing this small switch in the way I am viewing the situation is paramount for success on the other side of the shift. We will need to drop our current brain chatter that is convincing us the world is to always be the same. We will need to work hard and work together.

I believe in myself and I believe in our world and I believe in our future as long as we learn to come together.



My Mama.
September 9, 2011, 4:18 pm
Filed under: Love & Relating, Spirituality | Tags: , , , , ,

With all of the coverage on NPR about the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center, I have stopped listening to 90.7 for the weekend.  Not because I’m against the coverage but because every time I hear a story, I end up crying!

I should preface this by saying, the whole 9/11 attacks have been fuzzy to me.  I didn’t know anyone in New York at the time. I still haven’t met anyone who had someone close to them die in the 9/11 event.  I remember sitting in Mrs. Pontious’ Geometry class when the planes hit and thinking, “Why are they showing us this weird movie? And why is the entire school stopping for this?”  It wasn’t until later that I realized the severity of the situation.  I mean, give me a break, I was in high school; I was way more worried about what everyone else was doing in school rather than the world.  I’m not against our country but I’m not super patriotic.  I’m not the kind of person you will find “Americana” decor in my kitchen or have American flag checks.  That’s just not me.  I do take a basic interest in politics and the policies the politicians create.  I also feel like I don’t really have a huge say in what happens so I’m not going to get really worked up if it doesn’t come out the way I had hoped.

Anyway. I heard this heart-wrenching story from a girl who lost her mom on the plan that hit the towers.  She now goes around the country telling her story to others.  Honestly, I don’t even remember her name.  She says her mom gave her this moral obligation to change the world through her story.  I think that’s beautiful but that’s not what made me cry.  She said on the 10th anniversary she will be spending the day on the countryside where her mom like to go out and “be with the day.”  Shortly after the attacks, she went out to that spot and she felt she could “feel” her mothers presence as there was no wind yet the ferns were moving.  That is also beautiful but did not make me cry.  (it’s interesting to me how so many people have these metaphysical, unexplained events and it’s totally acceptable when someone dies but that’s a whole other story we can get into later.)   She mentioned how it was hard to believe that she hadn’t spoke to her mom in 10 years.  This is what made me cry like a baby! I had put myself in her shoes at that moment and imagined my life without talking to my mom for 10 years! I jumped on the phone and told my mom I loved her and thanked her for being such a huge support in my life.

Through all of the crap my partner and I have been going through, I can tell she does her best to keep a calm, cool neutral approach.  How amazing is that? I mean, it’s so much easier to fly off the handle in an emotional rage (trust me, I’ve done it) than to take a few deep breathes and keep moving forward.  This may be easier for her because it’s not her situation but her support for me has been exceptional.

I really attribute my logic and roots to both of my parents.  As different as we all are, they are really great.  I’m so thankful and full of gratitude for their continued support through my life.  They don’t always take my side and do their best to give me the straight facts even though I may not want to hear it!  I appreciate the tough love.  They have taught me how to take care of myself, how to rely on myself, and how to trust myself. What a beautiful lesson in a world full of chaotic people.

The moral of the story: Hug your parents today!



Parenting Responsibility
August 7, 2011, 8:08 pm
Filed under: Love & Relating, Step-Parenting | Tags:

I believe you cannot be too upset by the choices your children make.  They are a direct representation of you and your parenting skills.  I also believe you must live the example you wish your children to be and to see.

If you want your child to grow up as an adult who is responsible and accountable for their feelings and emotions–you must be accountable for your emotions and feelings.  This means, you cannot fly off the handle the second something doesn’t go exactly how you would like it go.

If you want your child to be responsible with money or material possessions, make smart decisions, and be a contributing member of society– do not give your child everything, give them challenges to practice responsibility, and be a contributing member of society yourself.

Teach.

If you would like your child to be accountable, be accountable.  Practice consistency and talk and reason through issues or problems.  Follow-through.  Return to issues and problems once they have been resolved and “check-in” with emotions and feelings.  This is going to reinforce accountability.

Listen. 

I know this is time consuming and tedious but do you realize you have the most important role on the planet? Raising and shaping the life of another human being? This is not to be ignored or taken lightly.  Parenting is full-time.  Even in your sleep, you are parenting.

I receive this information through observations of adults and children who are currently/have been in my life.  I also believe that if something doesn’t work–quit doing it.  Try something new.  Look at it with fresh eyes. People make mistakes. That is definitely understandable. Learn from your mistakes.  Loose your ego-if not for yourself, for the benefit of your childrens’ future.



Aww Passive-Aggressiveness…
August 7, 2011, 2:40 am
Filed under: Love & Relating, Uncategorized

*RANT*RANT*RANT*RANT* You have been warned–I think this is a rant!

…How I hate you so, passive-aggressiveness.  In fact, I outwardly admit that I hate you.  Yet, you are so alluringly inciting. How convenient it must be for those who live you and play your games. For the sake of my integrity and morality, I refuse to use you to get my point across.

Oh wait… that was somewhat passive-aggressive eh?

I don’t understand adults who play mind games with other adults.  I understand that my place in my relationship (to outsiders), seems a bit umm… precarious.  I can assure you, it is not.  I would appreciate some upfront honesty– at least occasionally.

What do you expect from your relationship with your in-laws or future in-laws? Respect? Honesty? Communication?

What do I get? Forced submission, questioning character.. etc etc. People- I did not ask for this.  What I did ask for was a happy, healthy relationship with the love of my life who happens to have a beautiful 4-year old daughter.  Which is what I have–most of the time.

I understand that nothing is permanent including the way people feel towards something.  Can we get to that part already? I am a person with feelings and interests and ideas.

How do you deal with passive-aggressive people? Seriously. There is no winning.

I have tried changing my mind. Seeing him and his stupid ways in a different light.  I have done nothing.  I have tried to “kill with kindness” (as my mother would say).  I would try to out-wit him; yet, my lovely boyfriend tells me it’s not worth trying.  SO-this usually ends up in me doing nothing.  And that, my friends, is frustrating.

Which leads me to this blog–being passive-aggressive about my boyfriends father.  I hope he reads this some day.  You are a jerk.



Welcome!

Hello! Welcome to my brain on your computer screen.  This is dedicated to my  thoughts, my experiences, and my questions along the journey we call life.  I use writing as an outlet to express myself and work-out complex emotions and ideas that leave me feeling confused and/or elated.

I am a young woman.  I am a Massage Therapist.  I am a girlfriend.  I am a Step-Mom. I am a dancer.  I am a Spiritualist.

I like being outdoors. I like gardening & flowers.  I like listening to music.  I like learning and pondering about the future and the world.

I plan to use this space to write about love, relating, politics, spirituality, challenges, and what makes happy.  I want to share with the blogging world what really moves me into feeling alive all the way to what challenges my experience.

Disclaimer: If you read something that mildly or severely upsets you or something you may think is about you, do not dwell on it.  I write for me–not you. This is my therapy.  I welcome comments, feelings, and beliefs but I refuse to take responsibility for your emotions–that is your job.